Questioning

Yesterday, I was talking with my aunt. I've asked a qs that so long been buried in my mind. And here's the answer from her..

💁: “ Auntie, I'm a straight girl, but I only really feel comfortable in boyish clothes. I would never change myself just to get a guy, but often my friends will try to persuade me to 'girl up' a bit to try to attract a date. They never force anything on me, but when I'm out with them my clothes can sometimes make me feel like a child in comparison to their short dresses and high heels. 
My question is- “Do you think that some men are attracted to more masculine women?”

Auntie: “Definitely. So glad you told me. There are so many straight girls out there just like you who prefer to dress more boyish/androgynous. And so many straight guys are into that. (I know many!) They might not all have the eggs to say it, but secretly they all want to bone the boyish girls. And I’d give you the same advice I gave the last person about how to talk to your friends about it. Right now, gender non-conforming dressing is often more accepted and celebrated in queer spaces. I hope that someday everyone will be just as exploratory of gender presentation and identity."

I want to F the world

Today, I made the best decision ever. I am going to fulfill my dream of traveling the world. Too many times have I given up on something. Too many times have I had this dream crushed by my mother or lack of money. But that ends now.

I will travel the world.
I will experience the cultures.
But how you say?

I’m going to work for it. I am going to start planning now. Decide where I want to go, what languages to learn, and what customs I should know. I will work my way through the countries. Find out places to stay. Rely on the kindness of strangers. Travel light, travel cheap and have fun. I will do it before being tied down by a job, or family. 

I want to dig more about more cultures. I want to see what it’s like to live differently. I want to live more selfless, sparing, and adventurous. I want to become an explorer, even in my backyard. I want other people and places and thoughts to fill my soul. I want my mind to be captured, yet constantly wandering in awe of the things around me. I never want to be left alone with time for boredom, because time is sincere of the essence - I only have so much of it. That’s the only thing that I want to be selfish with, my time. I just want to live. I want to live big and courageous. I want to take in the scenery, the lives around me, and just watch and listen. I want to cross oceans, travel through deserts, and climb mountains. It’s like I want to be a conqueror of not the world, but my little world. These are the types of things that I want to fill it with, new things - cool things. Things worth remembering. I want to get out there with no intentions of looking back, and when I do return, I don’t just want to feel a change- I want to be captivated, eager, and satisfied.

I will.